Sunday, November 11, 2012

Trouble in the Fields

I ran across this the other day, and it made me laugh. I had written a “newspaper” for a play that took place in the Old West. I could have filled the space with xoxo’s or blah, blah, blah, Ginger, ha-ha (one of my favorite Far Side jokes). But instead, I filled it with nonsense . . . articles based on my version of westward expansion and modern plumbing. Yes, those were the days, (before my little one was born) when armed with a glass of wine and a blank computer screen, I was entertained for the evening. I hope this gives you a chuckle as well.


“I thought at first it was those renegade Indians,” says a reliable source about Farmer Hodwart’s recent troubles. “Them cows were up to no good, I reckoned.”

It happened, however, that the cows which were missing late Saturday night showed up the following Monday morning. Though their disappearance was strange, Farmer Hodwart is more concerned about the green florescent glow that emanates from their once brown and white coats. He has no notion as to why they are exhibiting these signs but thinks it might be due to the lights he has seen frequently in his fields late at night.

“Mighty strange they are too,” he says in regards to the silvery disk that he has seen floating above the trees on some evenings. “I don’t much mind them,” he continued speaking of the lights, “or the little green men.” It is, however, quite disconcerting when that bossy cow Bessie demands oats at every feeding. And when he tries to contain the herd, she frequently orchestrates a rebellion. “It’s bad enough with the missus,” says the beleaguered farmer. “But there is no peace to be had now that cows fly, and I can only hope that they’ll come home.”

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